This month I turn 27. Next month will be the anniversary of my move to Georgia. What have I accomplished down here?

1.) I pretty much wrote an entire book, decided it sucked, and never looked at it again.

2.) I quit two jobs for almost no reason, and in applying for more work I came to realize that I will never get hired anywhere that isn’t a restaurant.

3.) I’ve found that people generally aren’t as giving as I am. No matter how often I do (or offer to do) things for others, that thoughtfulness is never, ever returned.

4.) I’m strongly considering staying in this bed until I literally rot away. I’m certain nobody will notice until the smell becomes overpowering. Perhaps I should coat myself in lye.